


as the world caves in

by bleedinqhearts



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, F/M, Fluff, Hurt No Comfort, Lovers To Enemies, Nonlinear Narrative, best friends to lovers to enemies, damn the tags just spoil EVERYTHING huh, don't worry it's very light angst though, emperor!atsumu, i say lovers but really it's more like ALMOST lovers hehe, king!kageyama, royal au
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-30
Updated: 2021-01-30
Packaged: 2021-03-16 00:54:22
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,436
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29073645
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bleedinqhearts/pseuds/bleedinqhearts
Summary: they say your life flashes before your eyes when you die. if that’s the case, then that explains why kageyama only sees you.
Relationships: Kageyama Tobio/Reader
Comments: 5
Kudos: 19





	as the world caves in

**10.**

Kageyama does not cry when his grandfather dies. 

It’s a somber affair, naturally. There’s grieving and hysterical sobbing, and with it, practiced condolences and empty sympathetic gestures. The funeral itself is treated the same as any other royal event — it’s damn near obnoxious, even. ( _Tasteless_ , more like.) 

There are enormous portraits of him hung up on the walls. His coffin is engraved with intricate designs that replicate those on the throne. It goes without saying, of course, that the coffin itself is a testament to the wealth of the royal family — plated in gold, lined with red velvet, and so shiny that it almost seems a waste to have something so nice be reduced to something meant to be buried under dirt, never to be seen again.

He’s hiding under a table in one of the dining halls. Not the one that’s currently being used to host the banquet. This is one on the far end of the castle, so out of the way that not even the servants bother to clean it. It’s dusty and dark and cold and the only place Kageyama knows he can run to without being found. 

He knows that everyone attending the banquet will be wondering about his absence. He knows that he’s bound to be scolded for this, and he knows that it’s worth it so long as he doesn’t have to sit there and pretend to accept every royal family’s “ _I’m sorry_ ”. 

His grandfather is — _was_ — the last of his family. His mother and father have been gone since last year; his sister had married into another royal family several years before that. Kageyama knows that the man in charge of planning all the royal events has his hands full; first with the funeral, and following soon after, Kageyama’s coronation.

( _“He’s only twelve!”_ He hears the guests whisper amongst themselves. _“Pray for the kingdom.”_

Kageyama has always dreamed of being king, but never under these circumstances.)

As the night continues, his original resolve to be alone starts to chip away with every drop in temperature, with every growl of his hungry stomach. He’s not sure how much time has passed, but surely a dinner directly after a funeral can’t be that long? He highly doubts death helps with anyone’s appetite. 

But he wills himself to stay under this table, with his knees tucked under his chin and his back hunched. He pretends that he’s not scared of the dark because grandfather was never scared of something so silly. He pretends that he’s not hungry even though the shadows start to resemble sweets (it’s better than monsters, he supposes). Most of all, he pretends that he is not alone. 

And when it turns out that he’s not very good at pretending that’s the case, he does something easier and pretends that he’s fine with being alone. Everything is much simpler, he thinks, if he stops forming attachments to people. People are fickle. People are fragile. People are prone to leaving. 

Besides, he doesn’t really _need_ people by his side when he’s king. When he’s king (which will be very soon), he’ll have a whole entire land full of people, and he won’t even notice if anyone leaves. If he wants people to stay by his side (which he doesn’t, thank you very much), he can just command them to, and they’ll be forced to stay. 

“There you are! I knew you would be here!” The sudden yank of the dusty tablecloth has you coughing as the dust particles fly in your face, but you’re quick to crawl under the table and join Kageyama. “Sorry I didn’t come sooner; it was hard to sneak out without someone following me or stopping me.”

Kageyama makes a mental correction: he doesn’t really need people by his side when he’s king because the only person he really cares for that’s left is you. 

“I almost dropped these while I was running, so you better eat this and be thankful.” You shove sweet rolls into his cold hands that suddenly don’t feel so cold, especially with your hands covering them. 

“I would have brought you here with me.” Kageyama starts to explain. “But…”

_But I wanted to be alone. But I was scared. But I wasn’t sure if you would come._

“Shut up, and eat.” You tell him, not pressing him to finish his sentence. “The banquet is almost over, too, so when you’re done, you can go sneak into your room.”

You’re silent as he eats. You don’t apologize for his grandfather’s death, even though you consider him as your own family, too. You don’t make a comment about he’s going to be one of the rare boy kings, even though him ascending to king raises your status as well. You don’t force him to talk, you don’t question him on why he’s not crying — you’re just _there_. 

He grieves in silence, but he doesn’t grieve alone, and this makes all the difference to him.

**9.**

“I bet you my ruby ring that while he’s painting us, he’s going to mumble on and on about how we are ‘the true faces of aristocratic elegance’.” You giggle, Kageyama snorting in reply.

“I’ve been studying him for the past decade, [Name]. He’s a man of habits. Last year, he used that line. This is the year he repeats his line about how we are a marvelous, monarchical match.” 

You laugh again, and the portrait room suddenly feels warmer. 

Every year, for as long as either of you can remember, the same portrait painter has been hired to do a picture of the two of you. Lining the walls of the castles are large portraits of the two of you, starting from when you were newborns to now. Seventeen portraits currently decorate the halls, and the eighteenth one in this collection is about to be painted soon.

“We always do the same pose in every photo. Don’t you think it gets boring?” You ask, settling yourself in the same gilded chair you’ve always sat in for the past few years now. What was first uncomfortable has now become something akin to comfort. Familiarity, more like it. It’s what you’ve always known, and perhaps the ‘knowing’ part is what makes it easier to deal with.

“Is it because last year my palm got sweaty? I told you, it was because I was coming down with something.” Kageyama is quick with his excuses, drawing them out like how he does with his sword when he’s practicing with the knights. 

You roll your eyes, amused, but before you can tease him, the doors are swinging open to reveal the subject of your little bet. 

He’s a round man with a bushy beard and even bushier brows. When the two of you were younger, Kageyama had asked him (quite seriously) if he used his facial hair for his paintbrushes. 

(Perhaps it’s because he’s just a jovial man by nature, or perhaps it’s because he wouldn’t dare say anything against the boy king of Karasuno, but the painter had merely laughed like it was the greatest joke he’s ever heard.)

“Ah, I see the two of you are already in perfect position!” He whistles a familiar tune to a song that still remains unknown. You’ve got your hands folded neatly in your lap while Kageyama has one hand resting on your shoulder and the other gripping the handle of his sword. 

“Big smiles now!” The painter says, even though the best you’ve given him all these years is a tightlipped one. 

(It goes without saying that Kageyama has never attempted to smile for any picture. If you hadn’t grown up with him, you would have thought he was lying when he says he was born with a permanent scowl on his face.)

“Yes, _ohohohoho_! It appears to me that the two of you are the true faces of aristocratic elegance, indeed! The both of you are a marvelous, monarchical match, if I do say so myself.” 

You try to hold in your laughter, you really do, but a small giggle escapes from between your closed lipped smile. You bite the inside of your cheek, glancing up at Kageyama to see that he’s already staring at you with a rare smile that he’s trying to hide. 

The two of you are oblivious to the painter in the room who watches this scene. “Never seen anything like it.” He muses.

The eighteenth painting that lines the wall is a bit different from the others. Rather than having the two of you staring straight ahead, you and Kageyama are staring at each other instead. 

Kageyama has never liked how he looks in his portraits, but this one seems different. Sharp lines usually define his image, but everything about this portrait is softer, warmer, _gentler_ , even. But even then, he still can’t quite put his finger on what makes this one so different from the rest that lines the walls. 

(It is not until years later, when he’s walking these cold halls alone, that he finally figures it out.

He’s smiling in this one.)

**8.**

Kageyama isn’t a fan of balls. The music is too loud, the outfits are too uncomfortable, and then there’s all of the people from neighboring kingdoms that he’d rather avoid than waste his time on polite pleasantries. 

You’ve always been good at being diplomatic, though. You’ve spent years studying up on the cultures and customs of all the kingdoms, and so you know when to curtsy and when to exchange quick kisses on the cheek as a greeting. Plus, you’re much better at pretending to care about whatever conversation is going on than he is.

Perhaps this man — he’s not just considered a king, but an _emperor_ — doesn’t know much about Kageyama’s customs, though. Everyone knows that the first dance of the night is the one that is to be shared with the most important person to you, which is exactly why you and Kageyama always share the first dance.

The hard part about being a gracious hostess, though, is that you cannot really decline an offer to dance, especially to a man who controls the entirety of the Inarizaki Empire. That’s like _asking_ for a war. 

So, Kageyama watches as you take the hand of this stranger’s. He watches as the stranger whispers something to you. He watches as your polite smile morphs into something much sweeter, much more genuine. (The type of smile he thought only _he_ got to see.) He watches and waits and thinks that this is the longest dance in history. 

When you return to sit at his side once again, Kageyama clears his throat. 

“I was going to ask you to dance, too.” 

“I know.” You say.

Neither of you want to say it aloud, especially not Kageyama, but the truth is still louder than any other words you’ve exchanged.

Someone had just beaten him to it.

**7.**

You can still hear the party despite the fact that you’re several floors above it. You knew from the moment Kageyama walked through the doors that he was going to have an awful time, but being the wonderful partner you are, you managed to sneak the two of you out of there.

You’ve spent weeks planning this in advance, with some slight help from the servants around the castle. There’s a winter celebration that a lot of commoners participate in. A festival, of sorts. 

“ _Happy birthday, Tobio!_ ” You smile as you hand him the gift you’ve left on the balcony. It’s a red lantern, one that you snuck out of the castle to purchase. “I know it doesn’t look like much, but I heard it’s really priceless!” 

“How is this paper lantern priceless?” Kageyama holds it like he’s afraid he’s going to contract a virus from it. Maybe it’s your fault for assuming a fourteen year old boy would find a lantern a good present, but what else are you supposed to give someone who already has everything? 

“Well, according to the people in town, if you whisper a wish into the lantern, light it up, and then release it, it’ll come true.”

“That sounds like a lie.” 

“Well, it’s the only thing I got you for your birthday, so unless you want to go back down to the party, I think my gift is plenty priceless.” 

Kageyama rolls his eyes, but reaches for the set of matches that you left out on the balcony table.

“Wait!” You exclaim. “You idiot, you’re supposed to make a wish first.”

You can’t hear what Kageyama mumbles under his breath (it sounds vaguely like “ _I don’t believe in this_ ”), but he obliges. 

He’s whispering so softly that even he can hardly hear what he’s saying either, but he still obediently does as he’s told.

“So, what was the wish?” You ask, watching as he lights up the lantern and releases it up to the sky. 

“I can’t tell you that. It won’t come true.”

“You’ll believe in that, but you won’t believe in making a wish in the first place?” 

“Stop bothering me about it.”

You don’t. You continue to pester him until he breaks, finally admitting to you that his wish was to be a great king. You tell him that’s a waste of a wish because he’s _already_ a plenty good king.

(He never tells anyone his real wish, lest it not come true. 

His wish was for you to always stay by his side.)

**6.**

When you were born, you never got to know your home, your own kingdom, or even your own parents. 

Your family had owed a debt, and to pay for it, you were conceived. You were never meant to be anything more than a means to an end. 

The Kageyamas have trained and groomed you into the perfect princess they wanted. You were accepted by them only because you were to be betrothed to their son, Tobio. 

Despite the family’s kindness, despite the warm food, luxurious clothes, and superior education, despite _everything_ , nothing would ever change the fact that you exist only for Tobio. You grew up knowing your family’s history, knowing that this place you call home most certainly does not belong to you, and you’ve dealt with it. You’ve come to terms with the reasoning for your existence. You’ve tucked in all your grievances and resentment and anger, and put them to rest. 

While tutors taught you etiquette and world geography, you taught yourself how to survive, and in those lessons, your survival depended on Tobio wanting you. So, you adapted and you acted and you played this role of his friend, of his lifelong partner, until you realized that it was no longer an act.

But relationships built on shallow foundations are relationships that are not built to last.

**5.**

The two of you eat dinner together.

The first thing Kageyama did whenever he was finally crowned king was to reinstate the dining hall he always hid in back to its former glory. 

It used to be for the best that this dining hall is located far away from the other rooms. Your laughter would always bounce off the walls of the dining hall, and the two of you would always get into such passionate discussions that neither of you could remember to control the volumes of your voices.

Now, you can hear the scrapes of silverware hitting the plates. 

“I heard that you met with one of the dukes recently. Is everything alright?” You ask, trying to make pleasant conversation even though the words come out stiffly and in an oddly formal tone of voice that you use only for visitors. 

_No, everything is_ not _alright._ Nothing has been right since you stopped sitting next to him and instead started sitting on the other end of the table. Nothing has been right since Sugawara, his advisor, has reported back to him several times this past month to inform him that you’ve been sending confidential letters addressed to someone in the Inarizaki Empire. Nothing has been right since you’ve started pulling away from him. 

But saying all this would make it _true_. Saying all of this would be acknowledging his failure as a partner. It’s much easier, he decides, to make you the villain in this story. 

It’s much easier than admitting his defeat.

**4.**

The smell of roses is near overwhelming as the two of you lie in the sun. 

One of the most famous pieces of the castle is the garden because inside the garden is a maze whose walls are constructed of rose bushes. Maintaining it is no easy feat, but all that hard work pays off, especially right now.

The two of you are sixteen years old, and in just several more years, the Court is going to be focusing more heavily on certain aspects of your relationship — the most important being when you are going to give Tobio an heir.

But that’s a problem for the you in the future. Right now, you’re enjoying a nice summer afternoon with your best friend. Right now, you’re happy and content and as the sun beats down on your skin, you can even pretend that you’re free.

You turn to your side to look at Kageyama, but he’s already fast asleep. You can tell by the steady rise and fall of his chest and the almost peaceful expression on his face. His hair is sticking up at odd angles, and his clothes are wrinkled, with bits of grass sticking to it. 

Kageyama’s always been handsome, you know this. He’s smart and grew well into the role of king despite his young age. He wouldn’t be a bad father, you think. He’s not a bad partner. 

You shift closer to him to brush your fingers through his hair and maybe it’s because you realize that you truly do love Kageyama, or maybe it’s the scent of roses hanging in the air (after all, you think if romance had a scent, it’d smell like roses), or maybe it’s none of that, or maybe it’s all of the above, but you find yourself placing a gentle kiss on his forehead.

He wakes up at that moment, eyes blinking to get adjusted to the setting sun.

“Sorry.” You can feel your cheeks warm up. Kageyama is technically your husband, yes, but the two of you have gotten married directly after his coronation. It was the moral thing for the two of you to not be expected to consummate the marriage, and even now neither of you have done anything physical with the other, save for the occasional well meaning hug. You can try to excuse your behavior as that of a best friend’s, but best friends shouldn’t stare so reverently at each other like that. 

Before you can pull away and give him his space that he’s so prone to requesting, Kageyama surprises you as much as you did to him. He grabs your wrist, staring at you with an odd sort of look you’ve never seen from him before.

“No, stay. I don’t mind.”

So you do stay. And for a while, you don’t mind either.

**3.**

“You can’t be serious.”

“Kageyama—” _You’ve never called him that before._ “Accept this.” 

“Why are you doing this? Is he forcing your hand? Is that it?” 

“This is _my_ choice!” You’re the first to raise your voice — for as long as he can remember, you’ve always been the most emotional one. 

“I refuse to believe that.” 

He expects you to scream at him some more. He expects your voice to shake, to crack, for you to break. He expects you to even lash out at him, not just verbally, but physically. 

He doesn’t expect you to shake your head while letting out a cold laugh.

“Of course it would be hard for you to understand.”

“Help me understand, then.” Kageyama’s voice is low. “Tell me the meaning behind your actions, and I will accept the divorce.”

“I have never had the privilege of making choices, did you know that? You do, because I’ve told you practically everything about myself. You and I both know why I was born, what I was made to become. I’ve never been able to choose anything for myself, and I—”

_Choose him._

**2.**

_[Name],_

_Destroying that village was never a part of my plan. I have known you long enough that you were fit to be a queen, and now I see you are now an empress. I am not quite sure what the purpose of you writing to me was for. You seemed angry enough to step on the battlefield yourself, although the [Name] I’ve known has always been rather diplomatic._

_You asked why I am not showing any mercy. The answer is simple: Inarizaki Empire has started this war, and I do not intend for my kingdom to go down without a fight. Surely you don’t expect me to stay docile while your beloved husband slaughters my men? The men who used to be under your command?_

_You called me a monster, but if that is the case, I’m not sure what that makes you — something worse, at least. In that case, whether I meet my demise during war, or I find it from old age, I would like this to be known: you might not have been my partner for long in this life, but we will meet again in Hell, and I will be there ready to greet you as my partner once more._

**1.**

“Did you ever love me?” 

It’s a weighted question, one that seems to have been a very heavy burden indeed since the slight slump in his shoulders seems to disappear the moment he speaks. 

This is a formal parlay, not a conversation between two ex lovers. He should be talking about removing his soldiers from your new home; you should be convincing him to sign off on a peace treaty and call an end to all this pain and bloodshed. And yet, maybe talking about the very topic the two of you have spent a good part of your marriage dancing around is the only way this parlay can go. He said this parlay was to talk about a war. 

Your relationship with him is warlike indeed. 

No one dares to speak, but even the trained knights can’t chase the curious looks off their faces that should’ve betrayed no emotion. 

He’s not going to repeat himself, and you can’t feign momentary deafness to get him to ask again. The curl of your lips should be forming a cruel smile, but all you can manage is a sad one. 

_Did you ever love me?_

He was your best friend since birth. Every birthday, every holiday, every celebration, every coronation, every boring lesson, every funeral, every assassination attempt — you don’t think there could ever be a chapter in your life where Kageyama _wasn’t_ a main character in. He knows this. 

Being present isn’t the same thing as being in love, but in the royal court, it’s synonymous. 

Atsumu had warned you that Kageyama probably didn’t have the best of intentions when he requested this parlay, but you had decided to meet with him anyway. If not to end this war, then to at least get some closure. 

“Yes.” _It’s the truth._ “I did.” 

**0.**

You are silent during the entire carriage ride. Sugawara has risen up the royal court hierarchy and landed himself a position as Kageyama’s royal advisor. If the two of you had been meeting under different circumstances, you would have congratulated him about it. The two of you might have even laughed, but the time for laughter has long since passed. 

A slow-acting poison, Sugawara tells you. The type that paralyzes you. The type that is undetectable until it’s too late. The type that Kageyama had unknowingly consumed.

It’s not his inevitable death that has you so stunned into silence, though. It’s what Sugawara tells you when you originally declined his offer to see Kageyama.

( _“He wouldn’t want to see me. He_ hates _me. I cannot live knowing his last words will be something harsh.”_

_“He doesn’t hate you,” Sugawara had been adamant about this claim. “I swear to you, Your Majesty. There have been countless times where His Majesty could have been cruel, countless times when he could have caused more destruction. Even on his worst days, he was always trying to minimize the destruction of your new home.”_

_“He destroyed that village, the same one Atsumu’s brother was visit—”_

_“An accident, Your Majesty. I swear on my kingdom that there have been dozens of chances for him to truly do something awful, and he never once had entertained such a thought.”_ )

When you’re escorted to his bedchambers, all lessons on proper etiquette are thrown out the window as you rush to Kageyama’s bedside. 

It’s been years since you’ve last seen him. You still remember his angular jaw, the perpetual scowl on his face, his dark hair with bangs that rest flat against his forehead. He looks like he’s about to sink through his mattress, though. 

Pale skin with a sweaty sheen, erratic breathing, and hands that are freezing cold when you reach for them upon instinct. Tobio Kageyama really is about to meet his end. 

“You came.” His words come out slow and shaky, and you nod, too afraid to speak, too full of regret that you never quite got to say all the things you’ve wanted to say to him. 

“I did. Even if you do not wish to see me, I don’t think I could find it in me to leave.” 

“I wish I could see you where I am headed.” He whispers. You remember the letter he wrote back in reply. He handled his emotions a lot better than you did back then. You wince, remembering the cruel words and accusations that you had thrown at him. But you also remember his promise.

“I thought we were going to be partners in hell, Tobio.” You squeeze his hand, wondering if it’s just your imagination that it’s getting colder. “Are you really going to take back that promise?”

“If you were with me, it wouldn’t be hell.”

If he could, he would wipe away your tears. If he could, he would ask you if this is the first time you’ve ever cried because of him. If he could, he would apologize. If he could, he would have told you that it’s quite alright that you chose someone other than him. 

If he could, he would have told you that his wish came true.


End file.
